Masquerade from Expectations

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition of “masquerade” is (noun) “a false show or pretense” or (verb) to “pretend to be someone one is not.” How often do we put up a front and pretend that all is well? How often do we pretend to be someone we are not? The poem “Masquerade” is a soliloquy, agonizing over whether I should be myself or pretend to be a shadow of who I am.


For me, being myself is one the scariest things I can do because I have always been a controversial person. I am a liberal and a feminist living in the southern United States where they preach that you’re going to hell for being either. When I was younger, I did not much care what other people thought about me. More often than not, I would follow my heart and the consequences were usually ostracism and isolation. When I am alone, I often think of myself as a fool who’s only defense is to laugh at the comedy of social acceptance.

I have weak moments when my confidence is low and I second guess my behavior. I could pretend to be happy and let the world think I have it all together – that I’m doing what I want and all is perfect. I could also pretend to be morose and unhappy – that the world is beating me up in this tragedy of a life. The third option is I could be dramatic and tell all of my troubles to anyone who comes within three feet of me. All of the scenarios would be a “false show” where I pretend to be someone I’m not. The scary part for me would be the last two lines of the poem:

“Or should I perform on stage as myself alone
And release the phantom from its cage to stalk and roam?”

It is no mistake that I use such vocabulary and that the length of the lines are longer. As I had said earlier, being myself has taught me that harsh consequences will follow. The reaction I get from being myself is usually that I’m some sort of evil demon that should be locked away. I chose longer lines to slow the pace of the poem in this section because this is the heart of the poem. This is where I reveal who I am. I deliberately leave out which scenario I choose because, with each new day and circumstance, I choose a different answer.

I wrote “Masquerade” in 2000 for a creative writing class I was taking in college. The feedback I received from the poem not only encouraged me to continue writing but also shed light on the fact that I’m not alone. We all perform on life’s stage and more often than not we pretend to be someone we are not because it is safer to be what people expect. For example, in high school we pretend to be a certain way in order to fit in. As an adult, we have to maintain an air of professionalism in order to keep a job. Under certain conditions, our behavior changes in order to cope. Because of the expectations of society, we all wear our masks.\

The book trailer for Expectations: